Crabby Patties for crabby kiddos

Crabby pattiesI have a crabby eater. She’s picky and has always been. From birth. Picky. Shortly after birth, she started screeching.  And never stopped. All.The.Time. Screeching. I tried everything. I removed everything that could be a problem for her from my diet while I breastfed. Didn’t work. And it has gotten worse the older she has gotten. She’s. Still. Screeching.

Before this child, I had a fantastic rule. I served breakfast. Every day. And if you didn’t like breakfast, you didn’t have to eat it. There was always pb&j as a fallback. But you had to make it yourself. I’m not a short order cook. And then I made lunch. And if you didn’t like lunch, then there was dinner. And if you didn’t like dinner, then you could either enjoy your homemade pb&j or wait till breakfast. It was beautiful, and it worked and my kids enjoyed a variety of interesting meals that many of my friends’ kids wouldn’t touch. I was super proud of my accomplishment as a mother and a healthy foodie.

Then came Mia. When Mia moved from breast to table, she kept to her picky tendencies. And she didn’t like pb&j. And if she didn’t like breakfast, she didn’t eat it. And if she didn’t like lunch, she didn’t eat it. And if she didn’t like dinner, she didn’t eat it. Which, literally translated means, she didn’t eat. I was certain that she would eventually eat; however, there was a wee bit of a problem. She was a runt. From the very beginning she was a runt , weighing in at 6lbs flat, and she remained in the 6th percentile for most of her childhood. So, not eating was kind of a big deal. And rather than become a short order cook, I decided to revolve most of our meal choices around her food fetishes. But they still had to maintain most of my healthy foodie tendencies.

No more cheese in anything. No cheesy eggs. No cheesy garlic mashed skin on potatoes. It was sad, but she ate. And I learned some humility. I was no longer foodie infallible. I was no longer that cool mom who could get her kids to eat anything placed in front of them.

And then she became a pre-teen. And would only eat yogurt/kefir smoothies. Which was fine, because yogurt/kefir smoothies were healthy and gave her lots of probiotics, and plenty of fruit.

Enter the teen years with a vengeance. I don’t know about your teenage girls, but mine are crabby. Specifically this one. Like so crabby it’s a good thing she’s beautiful; cause I’m not certain she’ll ever receive a marriage proposal. Crabby.


And she doesn’t like yogurt anymore. Or kefir. Just bread. And pretzels. And cranberry trail mix. And pretty much every type of seafood. In that order.

So, what’s a health conscious tribal mama to do? Just let her teeth rot, and her health go to hell? I think not.

You’ll often hear overtones of  Weston Price and his book Nutrition and Physical Degeneration in my posts. Dentist extraordinaire, he toured the world, found primitive tribes still eating their primitive diets, and living in beautiful health and happiness, and then wrote a book about it!!  It’s my favorite book! So, here is an excerpt from the book, which got my foodie creative juices flowing….

” Hammond Island adloins Thursday Island sufficiently close by to be easily reached in small boats. Accordingly, the people of this island have access to the stores of the white settlement on Thursday Island. Unlike Thursday Island, Hammond Island is quite fertile. Of twenty-seven individuals, all of native stock, 16.5 per cent of their 732 teeth had been attacked by dental caries, and 40 per cent of the individuals showed some deformity of the dental arches. After examining the children at the mission school, I inquired whether there were not families on the island that were living entirely isolated from contact with modern influences. I was taken to the far side of the island to an isolated family. This family had continued to live on their own resources. They were raising vegetables including bananas, pumpkins, and pawpaws. In the cases of the three girls in the family, one with a child five months of age, only six of their eighty-four teeth had been attacked by tooth decay, or 7.1 per cent, as compared with 16.5 per cent for the entire group on this island. These three girls all had normally developed dental arches and normal features. Three of the girls are shown in Fig. 63. We inquired about the mother and were told that she was out fishing, notwithstanding the fact that the sea was quite rough. While we were there, she came in with two fish (Fig. 63). Here was one of the principal secrets of their happiness and success in life. The Catholic priest who had charge of the mission on this island told me that this family practically never asked for assistance of any kind, and was always in a position to help others. They were happy and well nourished. It is important to note that the progressive degeneration in facial form which occurred in many of the families on the other islands was not found in this family.”

FIG. 63. These pictures tell an interesting story. The grandmother shown in the lower right knew the importance of sea food for her children and grandchildren and did the fishing herself. Note the beautiful teeth and well formed faces of her daughters.

Primitive tribes have thrived on a diet of seafood, and if this grandmother could spend her time fishing for the best quality seafood to feed her family, so could I. So, I rowed my boat to the nearest water source filled with the freshest fish and crabs around, got out my fishing equipment and…. Okay, reality check. I live in Indianapolis, IN. I got in my car and drove to the nearest Whole Foods.

And then I created…drumroll please….Crabby Patties!!! Think lump crabmeat, and bone in wild salmon, with a hint of the wild cilantro and spices; bound with coconut flour and free range eggs. Paired with fruit and veggies; and we’ve got a winner of a dinner for my beautiful crabby patty. Weston Price would be so proud of me….

Crabby Patties

1 can Wild Alaskan Salmon with bones

8 ounces lump crabmeat

1/2 cup fresh cilantro chopped finely

1/2 cup onion chopped finely

1/4 cup coconut flour

3 free range eggs

1 tsp Himalayan pink salt

1 tsp ancho chile powder

1 tsp garlic powder

1 tsp cumin

3 tablespoons of coconut oil for frying

  1. In a medium bowl, mix the lump crabmeat and salmon, along with the finely chopped cilantro, onion spices, coconut flour and eggs. Mix together until well mixed.
  2. Make mixture into approximately 6-8 medium sized patties.
  3. Set aside and heat coconut oil in a frying pan on medium heat.
  4. When the pan is heated (a drop of water dropped into the pan should sizzle), place the patties, and cover with a lid.
  5. Let the patties cook for approximately 5 minutes or until the patties have a nice brownish crust. Flip and cook on the other side for approximately 5 minutes.
  6. Serve with a side salad, chipotle mayo (recipe to come later), and fruit.
  7. Wait for applause from the fam. It will come.